What If...?

Na tha kuch to khuda tha, kuch na hota to khuda hota,
duboyaa mujhko hone ne, na hota mein to kya hota

At some point life comes to a sudden halt along with the realization that it wasn’t being controlled by you even though you may think you were in charge. It’s not until a maelstrom sweeps you away or the sheer redundancy of everyday events envelop you that you realize you had been nurturing a delusion thus far and chasing will-o'-the-wisps in a make belief world. It is then that you “wake up” to an excruciatingly painful realization of utter desolation and a void that had been formed while you were away from yourself. That void, an enemy in disguise, befriends and provides solace for some time but slowly bedevils every passing thought every time you decide to retreat to it. It becomes an addiction of sorts and insecurities and fear take a hold of you. Rest of the world seems tepid and devoid of any concern. You become the only spectator in the theater of life, where you spend your life watching the rest of the world live theirs in an unremitting movie. You start wondering about the “What Ifs..?” About the possibilities that could have been. You wait and wonder that perhaps somehow you will wake up from a horrible incessant dream or go back into the make belief world where you are happy chasing will-o'-the-wisps.

Hui muddat ke Ghalib mar gaya par yaad aata hai,
wo har ek baat pe kehna ke yun hota to kya hota.